I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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