we made out on top of his cat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's always time for handjobs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
