Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
