She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
