I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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