I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
