So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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