True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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