a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
