why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to make out with him forever
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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