i want to swaddle you in tequila
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
