So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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