This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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