so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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