I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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