my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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