you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
