speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
