been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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