Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
