Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
