:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
