He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
