Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
