JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
