I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
