My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
