I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize