i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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