i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh god it's open bar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
