I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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