I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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