I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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