just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
