Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
