i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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