Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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