Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
