i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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