We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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