but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
