sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
