if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
