1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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