I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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