Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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