Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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