I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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