I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
