I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
