Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
