Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
are you so shy because you have an std?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
