We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
