You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Soap is not a condiment
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
