So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
