i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
