Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize