It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
