i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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