You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
