Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
