last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
