Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
