doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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