Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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