Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
