Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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