Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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