the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize