just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he puts the penis in happiness.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
