It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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