OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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