I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
