He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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