and i looked up. we had an audience...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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