I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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