We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize