I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
